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Who can have a funeral service at one of the Churches in the Parish of South Gillingham? (before - or after - a cremation or a burial in a cemetery)

Anyone. But Church of England clergy are required to minister to families in their own parish and we would have to seek the permission of your own clergy before agreeing to a request from outside our parish. Your Funeral Director will usually contact your local clergy, unless you have expressed a particular preference. They can also advise you on when it is best to hold a service in church prior to a burial in a cemetery or a cremation.

What happens at a funeral service?

Essentially, whatever you wish. We will help and guide you so you do not need to worry. There are some basic rules and the Minister will not allow anything that is contrary to the Christian faith but, beyond that, there is a lot of flexibility. In brief, a funeral service will usually contain:

The gathering of the people

A reading from the bible and a talk

A Prayer Commending the dead person to God

The committal of the body to be cremated or to be buried

A prayer of blessing

It has become normal to also include a tribute to the dead person and this can either be done as a separate piece or as part of the talk. Other items can also be added.

Planning the Service:

This may seem a silly question, but are you sure you want a Christian ceremony? There is nothing to stop you conducting a non-religious service at the crematorium or cemetery yourselves, or there are humanists who will oblige. Do not feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to. If you decide you do want us to help you through this difficult time, you can be assured of our support regardless of any connection with the church or lack of it.

The first decision you need to take is where the service is to take place?

The most usual options are as follows:

A simple, but complete, service at the crematorium or the graveside.

A service in church, up to and including the prayer of commendation. This is followed by committal of the body at the crematorium or graveside (sometimes with only family present, or only the clergy and funeral director).

A shortened service of committal at the crematorium (very occasionally at the graveside), followed by a service of thanksgiving at the church. This is becoming increasingly popular.

You then need to decide who will be at which part of the service. The wishes of the dead person should, if known, be followed.

Next, what do you want to include?

Be cautious about family members doing readings or tributes – it can be traumatic. On the other hand it can also be deeply moving and something they will never regret. Talk to the clergy first and let them guide you.

Poems, readings (Bible and others), music for coming in and going out?

You don’t have to have hymns even if the funeral director says you must. The organist will play a favourite for you or you can have recorded music.

Do you want someone to give a tribute? If you want the vicar to do this for you then think carefully about what you want said – unless we knew the dead person very well we can only say what you have told us. Writing it down helps enormously.

Here we provide links to sample services:

A simple service from the old prayer book
An outline service for the funeral of a child
The official CofE Service Order

Local Funeral Directors

We are very fortunate in having excellent local funeral directors. Please contact them directly; we cannot make specific recommendations.

See our links page.

What facilities are there in the Parish for burial or the interment of ashes?

There is a Churchyard at St Peter's, Bredhurst and a Garden of Rest at St Matthew's, Wigmore.

Who can be buried at St Peter's?

Had their permanent residence, at the time of death, in the Parish of South Gillingham (Bredhurst, Wigmore, Parkwood, Hempstead)
OR

Was, at the time of death, on our Church electoral roll.
To be on the electoral roll you must have been Baptised (Christened) and have regularly attended a church in our parish for at least six months.
OR

Wishes to be buried in an existing family grave in which there is room for a further burial.

Because of the very small space available we regret that we are unable to accept burials except in the above circumstances. We also have a small Garden of Remembrance for the interment of cremated remains. We may be able to be slightly more flexible over this if there is a strong connection to the Church.

Why should I consider burial or interment at a Council cemetery
before thinking about St Peter’s?

An odd question? Yes, but it causes us and those who mourn a lot of trouble so it is best to get this clear right at the beginning. Before you decide to have yourself or your loved one buried at St Peter’s, please read this carefully:

The rules governing monuments in churchyards are very strict. Most of the monuments you see in Council cemeteries would not be allowed at St Peter’s.

Basically, all you are legally allowed to place in our churchyard is a simple, “weathering” headstone (i.e. not marble or granite) with a plain inscription in black lettering. So, no pictures, kerbstones, chippings, statues, shrubs, artificial flowers, or any of the other things that people often like to have. Please, please, think about this before deciding to have a burial at St Peter’s. We are sometimes required to remove items that do not conform to the regulations and this can cause great distress.

To see what is allowed, have a look here
To see the Rules, look here
To see “What is not allowed” look here

St Matthew's Garden of Rest

Although St Matthew’s has no churchyard, there is a Garden of Rest in the walled garden adjacent to the Church, which is available for the interment of ashes. It is open to visitors at all times and, with its pond, trees and shrubs, is a very peaceful place and many appreciate its tranquility.

We do have a few rules, which are made in order to maintain an orderly and tranquil environment for all who visit. Plaques, crosses or any other memorials are not allowed. We also ask for flowers not to be left on the grassed areas, except immediately after the interment, but rather to be placed in the vases provided on the plinth. No artificial flowers are permitted.

All those whose ashes are interred in the Garden of Rest will have their names recorded in the Memorial Book in the Church and this may be viewed during the Parish Office opening hours or at other times by appointment.

If you wish to enquire about the interment of ashes at St Matthew's please contact the Parish Office.

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