The questions roughly follow the typical order of a service.

Date:                                   Time:                          Church:

Groom:                                Bride:                        

Why do you want to do this? (We ask this question simply to try to make the service right for you; there is no ‘correct’ answer).

Which style of service might you prefer? - Elizabethan or modern language? An extract from each is given below.
(Note – not all clergy offer the olde-worlde one.)

Which order do you prefer?

The modern order is shown here (the parts in italics are optional).

Bridal procession, Introduction, The Welcome, Hymn, Preface, The Declarations,
The Collect, Bible Reading(s), Sermon, Hymn, The ‘Giving Away’ , The Vows, The Giving of Rings, The Proclamation, The Blessing of the Marriage, Hymn, Registration of the Marriage (not for blessings but see the note later), Prayers, The Dismissal, Procession.

An alternative order, which is also that for the Elizabethan service, is:

Bridal procession, Introduction, The Welcome, Hymn, Preface, The Declarations, The ‘Giving Away’, The Vows, The Giving of Rings, The Proclamation, The Blessing of the Marriage, Hymn, Bible Reading(s), Sermon, Hymn, Prayers, The Dismissal, Registration of the Marriage, Procession.

The difference between the two is that you get the actual marriage over quickly with the second one.
With the modern order you have the opportunity to listen to the reading and the talk about marriage before you actually complete it.
You can put the Prayers before the Registration in the Modern service – that’s allowed.

You can find the whole of the modern service on www.cofe.anglican.org/commonworship.
I don’t think any of us use it all.

The remaining questions and the sample order of service follow the old order.

Very approximately, how many guests will attend the church service?

St Peter’s & All Saint’s hold 120, St Matthew’s & St Paul’s hold 200+
See description of each Church.
Except in special circumstances, where you want a very quiet ceremony, my advice is “the more the merrier”.  If you have only a small number of guests you will need to think carefully about the choice of hymns.

Are you having service sheets printed?

Click on the link to read about these. We strongly recommend that you have them. They can be simple and cheap.
Please, never print the sheets till you’ve formally agreed things with the Minister taking the service.

Are you having pew-end decorations?

These are not provided as part of the standard flowers package. If you want them you will need to arrange to have them put in place before your service (and after any preceding service unless they happen to be white which will go with most weddings). Also we may want them taking away immediately afterwards if they might clash with the next wedding’s colours.

Are you having Ushers?

We will provide a Verger, who will deal with most of the practical things.

The Ushers’ duties would normally be:

To hand out service sheets (or you can put these on the pews if you prefer)
To hand out button-holes if you have them (and to clear away the boxes afterwards)
To guide people to their places, (are you having Bride on the left, Groom on the right?)
Parents with babies will prefer to sit near the back.
If you have anyone who is claustrophobic, tell the Ushers so they can keep a space free near the door.
If you have a lot of guests, get them to keep an eye open for odd spaces to fit people in.
Also, if there are less than 70 of you, get them to stop people sitting at the back or you will process out to an empty church.
To usher late-comers in at an appropriate moment (the Verger will assist with this but a friendly face is better).
To know where the toilet is.
To ush anyone who is “tired and emotional” (it does happen even though the staff at the Bell are usually careful).

Are there any awkward family situations the Minister ought to know about?

Apart from stopping them saying something unbelievably crass, you may need to think about who sits where; who accompanies the bride up the aisle, who witnesses the Registers and the final procession.  Be assured that nothing you tell us will be a shock – TV soaps have nothing on real life.  But, remember that this is your day and that family squabbles must not be allowed to dictate what happens.  As a general rule, we put Bride’s Mum and Dad on the second row back on the left and the Groom’s Mum and Dad on the opposite side.  If Mum and Dad prefer not to sit together then we can promote the Dads to the front row, or move them back to the third row if they want to be with someone else.

What will you be wearing? (Whisper it to the Minister if he doesn’t know yet.)

This will affect where we sit you, etc.  Some Ministers colleagues leave you standing throughout. others let you sit down if your dress allows it.  

How many bridesmaids?

Ages? Page Boys? Ages?
This will help work out the seating and also who can help in the service – youngsters can be very useful service book holders. If you have very young attendants think about what they will do during the service. If they are your own children you may want them to stand with you or with the Minister.

Will the Groom have a Best Man?

The Best Man’s role in the Church is:
To hold the rings and hand them to the Minister at the appropriate point in the service. (If you have no Best Man then this can be done by a Bridesmaid or the rings can be given to the Minister before the ceremony).
To support the Groom – they do get nervous so we rely on the Best Man to get him to his place when the Bride enters.
To assist the Bride and Groom by, as an example, holding their service sheets for them if there are no youngsters for this.
To shepherd the Bridesmaids and Parents or other witnesses to the Registration in the Vestry
To control the exit of the congregation so that the photographer is able to take pictures at the door.

Are you having the choir?
The choir can process up the aisle before you.
For charges - see Fees

How do you want to come in?

The options are:
Traditional:
Groom and Best Man wait at front of church.
Congregation are in their places.
Bride processes up aisle with Father (or other supporter) following Minister and Choir
and accompanied by her Bridesmaids and Page Boys.
Ancient:
Bride and Groom come into the church together, followed by Bridesmaids, etc. (and the congregation if you prefer).
Might be useful if you have no close family – also works well for wedding blessings, either after a civil ceremony or an anniversary do.
Sarah: (Named after Graham's daughter.)
Bride and Groom and other participants just wander in when they’re ready and sit down until the service starts.  Useful if the thought of processing in, with everyone staring at you, brings you out in a rash.

Have you decided on music?

We would usually have:  Two hymns:
One right at the beginning to settle you down
One just before the prayers (we lead you up to the altar during the last verse).
We can also put a third in between the marriage and the reading (or vice-versa for the Modern order)

Two processional pieces – one to come in to and one to go out to

Music during the signing of the registers

Go to the Links page for links to hymns, processional music, etc.

It is OK to have more or fewer hymns or to have a singer instead of hymns (ideally a Christian song – we reserve the right to say no).  For a small wedding you may choose not to have hymns at all (you really don’t want to listen to the Minister singing solo).

Does the Bride want to Obey?

This is not in the Modern service but we have been asked to include it by a number of Brides.  Some Ministers may not allow you to include it, though it is part of the olde-worlde service.

There is a bit in the declarations where we can ask the congregation if they will support you in your commitment to each other.  Do you want to include this? (Note: some of Ministers may insist on it.)

The minister says to the congregation

Will you, the families and friends of N and N, support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?
All: We will.

Does the bride want to be 'given away'?

(Caution: This is not in the modern service but some Ministers will include it)
The traditional Giving Away is a simple ceremony – the Minister asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?” The Bride’s Father (or Uncle, etc.) takes the brides’ right hand and gives it to the Minister who then gives it to the Groom.  There are no words spoken.  The symbolism is of the Father giving his daughter to God who then gives her to the Groom.  There are other forms of this that have been used. One that is particularly suitable where there is no Father of the Bride or where the couple have lived away from home for a long time is for the Bride’s side of the congregation to reply “we do” in answer to the question, and for the question to be repeated for the Groom with his side saying “we do”.

Do you want to learn your vows?

This is the bit beginning “I N take you N to be my…” and you can also do the Rings bit: “I give you this ring …..” if you want.  Some couples like to remember these and say them to each other without the Minister leading them.  You will need to be able to speak loudly and clearly whilst gazing into your lover’s eyes.  But, if you can do it, it is very moving.  On the day the Minister will be ready to prompt you, or even to say the words out loud for you, if you forget them – and no-one will notice that you didn’t manage to remember them.

How many rings?

The service is adaptable for Bride’s only or for Bride and Groom to have a ring.
Make sure you know who has the ring!

You may kiss the Bride

Is in the American films but not in the Anglican Service. One of our Ministers will put it in if you ask nicely. We can’t vouch for the others.

Have you chosen a Bible reading?

You must have at least one Bible reading; we cannot accept other readings at this stage in the service.  We enclose a selection of the more popular ones.  The Links page has a link to on-line bible passages if you want to look up the other ones on our wedding booklet.  Please do NOT use American web site suggestions of “readings suitable for a religious ceremony” – most of them are anything but.  That said, the Minister may agree to your having a poem or other non-Bible reading during the service.  Please be careful with these – some of them jar badly when read in the middle of what is a quite traditional ceremony.  We would usually suggest that someone other than the Minister does such Readings.

Who do you want to do the Bible Reading?

Bridesmaids, friends, Best Man, Relatives?  The minister will of course be happy to do it, but this is a good way of rewarding a favourite Aunt or Uncle.  You are allowed two readings - useful if this helps overcome a potential problem as to who does what.

Who do you want to do the sermon?

The answer is the Minister, but if one of your family or friends is an ordained or licensed Christian church minister then we may invite them to speak instead.  The only rule is 400 words maximum (5 minutes!).  The invitation has to come from the Minister conducting the marriage so please ask us first.

Do you want anyone else to join in the Prayers?

Usually the Minister will lead these. But, again, Bridesmaids & Best Man or family members, (especially if the latter are themselves Ministers) can take part.

Is there anyone you would want mentioning in the prayers?

Sometimes couples like to remember people who have died or who are too ill to come.
We can do this by name or by putting in a short bit of silence.

Which form of the Lord’s Prayer do you prefer?

We use this at the end of the Prayers – everyone says it.
The old version is the one most people know but check them out first.  Or there is the modern version.

Who do you want present at the signing of the registers?

Traditional is Bride & Groom, Bridesmaids, Best Man and Parents.  It gets complicated if you have multiple parents so think about it now.

Who do you want to witness the signing of the registers?

You must have two witnesses.  Who? is usually decided by family situation.  If it is fairly simple then both Mums or both Dads is normal.  Other couples have Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man.  Or you can have any two people who know you and have witnessed the ceremony.

A note on Wedding Blessings

Where a couple have been married prior to the service there is no Register to sign. In place of this we can:
Omit it altogether
Sign the first page of a Guest Book, leaving the other pages to be completed by guests at the reception
Sign the title page of the wedding album (or an insert for the album)
Light a wedding candle at the altar
Anything else you can think of and can persuade us to agree to.

How will we arrange the Procession out?

The traditional format is Bride & Groom, Chief Bridesmaid & Best Man, Other Bridesmaids, Mums and Dads swapped over. But there are no rules and you may want to amend it.

Other Things to Chat About with the Minister

Photographs and videos.
We only allow one video and that has to be on a tripod at the back of the church.
We do not allow photographs during the ceremony. It puts us off.  We do allow photographs during the registration and the final procession.  If you are using amateur photographers we strongly recommend a test run of video and standard cameras before the day.

Payment of fees.
You are asked to pay these to the minister at your interview.

Rehearsal date.
Sometime near to the wedding you need to do a rehearsal. You will agree this with the Minister at your discussion.  On the day you will be “safe in our hands” so the only purpose of the rehearsal for you is to become familiar with the service and where you will be – you do not need to remember anything.  The rehearsal is very useful to the Minister if you are doing anything out of the ordinary – getting the choreography right can be important.  The rehearsal is also useful to all the “extras” who the Minister may not have time to control on the day.  We suggest you get the following to turn up if you can (in order of importance):  Bride & Groom (titter not, I have known an absent Groom who sent a friend along), Father of the Bride (or other supporter), Anyone else taking part in the service (Readings, Prayers, Singing, holding my service book, etc.), Chief Bridesmaid (especially if you have a long train on your dress), Best Man, Amateur photographer if one, (in which case we should try to do the rehearsal at the same time of day as the wedding), Bridesmaids & Page-Boys, Ushers, Other parents of Bride & Groom (useful for working out seating), Other witnesses

Words from the Elizabethan service:

I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful day of judgement, when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment, why ye may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, ye do now confess it.  For be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God; neither is their marriage lawful.
N, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?  Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
N: I will
N, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?  Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?
N I will
I N, Take thee, N to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part and thereto I plight thee my troth.
I N Take thee, N to my wedded husband. to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part and thereto I give thee my troth.

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And the same bits from the modern service:

The vows you are about to take are to be made in the presence of God, who is judge of all and knows all the secrets of our hearts; therefore if either of you knows a reason why you may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now.
The minister says to the bridegroom
N, will you take N to be your wife?  Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
He answers I will.
The minister says to the bride
N, will you take N to be your husband?  Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
She answers I will.
The minister says to the congregation
Will you, the families and friends of N and N, support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?
All: We will.
I, N, take you, N, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward;  for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God’s holy law.  In the presence of God I make this vow.  They loose hands.  The bride takes the bridegroom’s right hand in hers, and says I, N, take you, N, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God’s holy law.  In the presence of God I make this vow.

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Possible Bible Readings:

Genesis 1:26-28
Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness;  and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.’
So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them.  God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.’

Genesis 2
God said, "It is not good that man should be alone.  I will make a helper as a partner for him.  Now God had made out of the earth all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.  He showed each one to Adam so that he could give them names.  But none of them was good enough to be Adam's partner.  So God made Adam fall into a deep sleep;  and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs.  He closed up the wound.  Then he made a woman from the rib he had taken out of Adam.  He showed the woman to Adam who shouted:  "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!  She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man " Because of this a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one.

Proverbs 31
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;  for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
”Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Song of Solomon 2:10-13; 8:6,7
My beloved speaks and says to me:  ‘Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;  for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth;  the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom;  they give forth fragrance.  Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.’  Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave.  Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.  Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of one’s house, it would be utterly scorned.

Tobit 8:4-8
When the parents had gone out and shut the door of the room, Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, ‘Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety.’  So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe.  Tobias began by saying, ‘Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors, and blessed is your name in all generations for ever.  Let the heavens and the whole creation bless you for ever.  You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the human race has sprung. You said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;  let us make a helper for him like himself.”  I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity.  Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.’  And they both said, ‘Amen, Amen.’

1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.  
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.  But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.  For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face.  Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.  And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Matthew 5:1-10
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him.  Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’

John 15:9-17
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.
If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.
Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last.
Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.

Ephesians 5:21-31
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- for we are members of his body.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

Or any other Bible reading you like and can persuade us to accept.

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Wedding Service Sheets

We strongly recommend that you have some form of sheet.

Service sheets do not need to be elaborate.  The cheapest option is to use photocopied sheets,  (We can arrange this for you for a very low charge using the church copy printer). You may want to use light card and most copiers can cope with this.

At a minimum the service sheet needs to have:

An order of service
The Lord’s prayer
The words of the hymns
If you are using it, the congregation’s declaration

This will usually occupy two sides of a sheet of A4.  Other pieces can be added as you wish – the full service would take up a mini booklet though some couples like to have this as a memento.

You can even download the whole thing from the internet.  We do have a copyright license – if you are using a modern hymn please check with me and I will tell you what you need to put on the sheet.

A simple outline of a service sheet follows:

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Typical Order of Service

We stand for:
The Bridal Procession

Introduction
The Welcome
Hymn: Love divine
Preface
The Declarations

The Marriage
The Vows
The Giving of Rings
The Proclamation
The Blessing of the Marriage

The Commission
Reading: 1 Corinthians 13
Talk
Hymn: Father, hear the prayer we offer

Prayers
Blessing of the congregation

The Registration of the Marriage

We stand for:
The Wedding Procession

You might want to add these notes to an order of service:

Notes:

Please, no confetti inside the church grounds – it makes the paths very slippery.
Please refrain from taking photographs during the actual service.  Photographs as the bride and groom process out are fine.
There is no collection, but a plate is left at the door if you would like to make a donation to the upkeep of the church.

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Traditional Form of the Lord’s Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come; thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.  Amen.

Modern Form of the Lord’s Prayer

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours
now and for ever.  Amen.

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Service Style
Elizabethan
Modern
Service Sheets
Ushers
Bridesmaids
Bestman
Choir
Music
Bible Reading
Prayers
Wedding Blessing